some old guy just shit himself in my section. everyones leaving
Apparently I farted on her in my sleep. Then, just to be sure she was cool, I did it again on purpose and she didnt say anything. So, WIN?
Showering in the handicapped shower. Im THAT hungover.
And then out of the blue she sent me a youtube video mashup of cats puking to techno music
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Im drunk on a hayride surrounded by toddlers. they are judging me.
It was more like a tour de entire bottle of wine in 14 minutes
my boss just offered me his leftover salvia im not sure if it was a trick question
Pictures of drunk me in a bike helmet are like McDonald's collectible toys. There's sooo many, but NO ONE has seen all of them.
I bought us both waterproof cases so we can sext through FaceTime in the shower.
Next. Level. Shit.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just bottomed with the last unicorn playing in the background. I've hit a new level of gay.
All I remember is while we were making out M.A.A.D City came on so I pushed him off of me so I could rap along.
Probably yeah. I mean maybe one day we can be those friends that hang out naked. Not awkard at all.
Just paid my weed guy with a check. I've got this whole adult thing down.
I woke up this morning to my panties draped around the neck of an empty bottle of bulleit. That is the perfect visual metaphor for my life at this juncture.
It was like Lady and the Tramp, but just tramp and the tramp. And instead of spaghetti and meatballs, we had whiskey and cups
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