I mean don't get me wrong, vaginas are terrifying, they look so sneaky with all their layers and secret compartments and trap doors
And Anthony pissed on himself at the strip club
Her parents came home early, i had to hug her mom with a condom on...
I just made my bed perfectly before realizing that I'll be too drunk to appreciate it tonight
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If there was a god I would have a big mac right now, but i don't
I'm naked and wearing a cowbell.i love med school.
I know that was a dream because I woke up and there was no pizza
The hookers weren't a dream get tested
So some sort of safe sex group just flash mobbed the bar by putting condoms over people's beers.
They left screaming as a hale of lubbed up condoms rained into their hair.
If I had a dollar for every straight boy that questioned their sexuality because of me, I would live a comfortable middle-class life.
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my throat is bruised, my back is scarred, my vagina feels like it's going to fall off.. you're like godzilla. you destroy everything.
This really high kid past out in the corner of the room holding a box of cheez its in his arm. My idol.
Every time I'm hungover I just want to watch Harry Potter and cry.
I want a musical about memes.
stop texting me about your public sex.
says she who narrated getting eaten out in a movie theatre over text to me
I'll pick u up. I have to buy a new sofa cover anyway. I swear I've never seem a girl cum like that before.
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