WOAH SHIT! That wasn't my girlfriend last night.
I woke up with my face in a pile of pancakes and 3000 mistakes.
i'm eating jello out of a teacup with a fork. awesome?
I googled Canada's legal age of consent. I have good news. It's 14. Justin Bieber here I come...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Note to self: never do anything I don't want to explain to a paramedic
My autobiography is now tentatively titled "I'm Fucking the DJ, and Other Ways to Party for Cheap"
Dude I reek of $2.50 pitchers, $1 off/pack marlboro cigs, and fear.
Fear?
FEAR.
Me ending up in the fetal position in my shower is becoming far too commonplace. It's like a weekly therapy session
he just gave me a love letter in polish. he thinks i speak polish. I DONT SPEAK POLISH
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Every single item that was in my fridge is now in my hot tub. Please help
The lady sitting right behind me on the bus has baby birds in her purse. Shes feeding them bugs from a cup with a pair of tweezers... I love san francisco!
if girls can go out in miniskirts and reveal their thongs, I should be able to wear a sheer dress with boyshorts with the word love bedazzled on my ass.
This is why you're my favorite.
I couldn't stop laughing at the fact he was cutting lines with a sears card. What 24 year old has a sears card?
I just googled "can they trace a vibrator back to you" so that' s how my life it going.
I'm drinking apple juice and champagne while watching crossroads..like the classy bitch that i am.
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