So bad night, ended up beating off to porn and eating Keebler elf cookies.... at the same time :-(
I decided you couldn't drive after you asked where the time circuits were on your Altima
I wanted to see November 5, 1985
omg. why did you never tell me how amazing shitting and smoking is?
i thought this knowledge was automatically promulgated at the age of eighteen?
you refused to leave the drive-thru at mcdonalds until the cashier took a jello shot
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I didn't think her British accent was real until I saw how fucked up her teeth were.
Just woke up to my stoned boyfriend building a shrine around my bare ass. He'll never leave me.
there's sperm and chicken noodle soup everywhere
We got a 5L jug of wine for 3 Euro. Italy was a good choice.
I'm pretty sure I swallowed a whole condom
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
What is a foreign vacation of stupidity without some fake names?
Why is my hat full of peanuts?
Don't throw them out, I'm on my way
Did you go to church in Texas and sign me up?
You need southern Jesus
I have shit my pants twice this week. #adulthood
Is it too much to ask for 10 minutes of privacy while I masturbate?
Stop trying to get me to choose vodka over a nap
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