I wish my mouth had a period so that could be my excuse on those days I don't feel like giving head
he wont speak to me right now because i told him it must suck knowing he'll never be as good as edward cullen..idiot.
The irony of calling it Pride is that you do things that no one should be proud of.
I met the perfect girl for you, she's smart, likes cars, has at least one ear, and really blue eyes!
please elaborate on, "atleast one ear"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
That's terrible. At least give it a creative name like muff mobile.
Drunk me needs to be reminded of my sexual preferences.
at least it wasnt animals
James this is colleen. This is my new number. You just texted my grandma about getting cockblocked. Congratulations.
He motorboated me, gave me a business card that said congratulations on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
He just walked up to me in the kitchen, pulled out his penis and stuck it in my sweatpants pocket.
It was probably cold. Sweatpants pockets are notoriously warm.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This chick at the gym, just informed me I was super funny this weekend. Especially when I untied her friends bikini top after throwing up in the women's restroom. SWEET black out chronicles has another story
holy shit I just remembered that story I told about Tom hanks going bowling while high.
I wanna get a tattoo next to my tattoo that says, my ex did this so don't fucking ask
Woke up with an entire pizza face down in my bed beside me... untouched. Never beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
WTF. I was 99% sure I went straight home last night. I just woke up hugging a chair, and my tux pocket has a flask filled with what I think is red bull and gatorade. This has to be your doing.
I'm one bad relationship away from owning seven cats.
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