My mom found a condom in my purse
Correction: my mom found a used condom in my purse.
Somebody started a fire in the kitchen. I puked on it till it went out. The firemen high fived me.
it's kind of slutty but what the hell, so are we
Her parents walked in on us. So for my birthday they bought me a blow-up doll with their daughters face on it. I don't know what to think right now.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you went over to those random dudes and told them you were an ordained minister and would like to bless their food. they laughed and agreed, then you said "now bow your heads in prayer" as soon as they did you grabbed a taco off their tray and bolted out the door.
Talked to Nate, told him he was a douche. Will give details when sober. It's ok. You're my best friend together a wolf pack. Olive juice.
He tried to convince me that it wasn't really that small and all he had to do was pull back the groin fat. It was still small.
C'mon pople!!! THursday afternoon isnot gonna drinkin itself!!!
Drugs are gluten free tho, right?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Aaaand the winner of the worst decision of Sunday night goes to me as I pull up to his house in my lingerie.
Shia LaBeouf arrested in austin for public intoxication. JUST DO IT
I can see their wedding vows now: 'Til basicness do us part
For a guy who came before his dick was out of his pants, he gave surprisingly good head.
She sent me a video of herself sitting in the car stone faced listening to the Titanic song on silence. She won't answer my texts.
He just got back from doing field research studying wild chimpanzees in the goddamn jungle. Obviously I fucked him.
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