I JUST WOKE UP ON A TRAIN
I SHUDNT B ON A TRAIN
dude, it should not be this hard to find a bottomless mimosa on a friday morning
I didnt realize we were having a competition in poor decision making skills
how else could I explain the last few years
Just remember that she is a giant dick-sucking forehead and you are better than that.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
sudden memory flashback: you and i having sex on the bed, erin sitting naked in your desk chair drinking whiskey straight from the bottle while harassing you for your computer password to play some "mood music." high five. go us.
You fuck like a mechanic. That is the universe telling you that is your true calling. Take this as a sign.
shit went down at the bar when this girl with 'morals' totally cock blocked a married guy. she actually kicked IN the bathroom door when they were fucking in there. then we all did shots.
Everyone here knows my boyfriend as "Half Baked". Life, he's doing it right.
my vagina is like this close to growling at me and leading me onto the nearest dance floor
make it buy you a drink first
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This tequila is so bad I might cry. I won't Throw up but I might cry
You called your ex, and talked to her for an hour about how you miss her, came back inside and asked the girl with the biggest tits if you could take a pic with your face in them and sent her the picture.
Nothin ruins a fine afternoon like shitting ur pants
theres a canoe in our lawn. we dont own a canoe.
it was the only safe place
Omg. I meet up with you guys with bodily fluids on my chin ONE time and suddenly I'm a whore.
Nothing says “I spent too much in Vegas” quite like eating a jar of pickles for dinner and planning on cream of celery soup for breakfast tomorrow.
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