If I don't come home tonight, I've died in a pile of gay.
At any point in time, have you stopped and thought "I wonder how high Willie Nelson is right now?
u were so high that u chewed on candle wax for an hour
giving him head while hes talking to his fiancee on the phone about inviting me to their wedding.... im invited. should i go or would that be wrong?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Please know that I fully expect you to help me steal a bed if I have a bad breakup.
I kinda remember trying to staple rolls of toilet paper to make a pillow, but it's blank after that.
I was topless in his bathroom sink taking bong rips , goodmorning . He told me he could get use to this
They have chocolate covered tequila candy at work. This is not a drill. May be drunk by noon.
On a totally unrelated note, captain four hour sexcapades lost it in his boxers this morning and tried to pretend it didnt happen. Lmao
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have better things to do with my life than be faithful.
Need to spend sober time with him while fully clothed. I can't decide if he's a seriously amazing man or a complete fucking dickbag.
This is me not judging you for what a fine line you draw between the two.
i'm not drunk or reckless enough to have you track my every fucking move. I AM AN ADULT
I've got your keys and your panties. You can have one back. Your play honeybuns.
Just got offered cocaine at ihop. Stay classy America.
then a garbage truck rolls up to the club, they hop out, and walk right in like they own the place
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