this guy showed up at my house asking for his sword and cape. something tells me i shouldn't drink that much again.
When you told me you were coming to my show, I didn't know you were bringing Satan and Brokeback Mountain with you.
I hope you get used to having plenty of sperm because you're never gonna get any.
He passed out on the patio with nothing on but his boxers. So we put our beer caps on him. Yeah he woke up with a polka dot sunburn.
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Sorry about last night..I didnt realize how drunk you were and when I closed the door it caused you to slam into the mirror...you'll probably piece together the puzzle when you read this and see your hand.
just weighed my balls on my pocket scale. that high.
I just masturbated to a Jock Jams cd. What have you done today?
LEAVE MY LITTLE DICK OUT OF THIS
I liked a picture of him with his pants around his ankles, if that doesn't say I'm into you, I don't know what does.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Remember that time you bought snap bracelets on Amazon and they sent you 300 pregnancy tests instead? Amazon knows.
We were high as balls fucking in the back seat when we saw the blue lights. He's like, "I got this" and walked over butt ass naked and goes, "Sorry dude, we're just banging" and the cop apologized for disturbing us and drove off.
So did I or did I not flash an entire concert last night?
What even was the context for that. All I have written down is "I would vote for President SnakeJaw."
I think you're my feminist conscience sometimes.
One day no one will want to send me dick pics so by all means keep 'em coming
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