I'm watching harry potter...good thing I already know I'm gay
Can I come over?
Can't... I'm at class right now.
No your not
I'm outside by your car.
I realized today that the only reason you made out with Travis is because he has nice teeth
They told me I spent half the night at the club with one ball hanging out my shorts. Apparently it got me 1 free drink, 2 numbers, and thrown out.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I give him blow jobs while he watches sports.. how am I not his gf yet??
If fate has that penis in my future.....I'm down.
I just ran up four flights of stairs in heels, im getting an orgasm tonite.
im shotgunning beers in the kitchen. alone. the cat is judging me.
Almost made out with Amanda but I told her "I'm in a committed fake lesbian relationship with Laura. I can't."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She tackled him mid-puke while the other two were cutting up a $60 dildo with a kitchen knife and putting the pieces in a Corona bottle.
My alarm went off and I went straight for your dick. That's dedication.
my goal for the rest of college is to escape STD free. fuck getting a job. this is more important.
You've got until 8 and then I'm kicking down your door and pouring a beer down your ass via funnel
Hey can you tell Daniel there's a bottle of Captain Morgan's in the dryer ...
Sorry I think you have the wrong number
Yes it looks like I do
I can't find my keys and there's a hotdog in my purse.
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