Thanks for convincing the hot dog guy to give me one for $1 after I drunkenly dropped the first one. I loved your reasoning "I know you mark that shit up! I work in retail!"
They wouldn't let me go to sleep at the police station while I was waiting to bail u out. YOU OWE ME
I'm about to play Thunderstruck by myself, that way I'll always get the long thunder part.
He's cheating on his wife, and he's judging me for eating McDonalds
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just saw two dudes run across the street carrying a mini keg and a scaled model of the empire state building. Missed this town
I am making a budget for 2012. Should condoms be in the insurance or entertainment category?
I don't remember much of half-time. I do remember climbing onto the roof of the fraternity and telling people I was going to stargaze in French.
I either just got free sex or a nice jail sentence. Text me in 10 to verify.
some people spend their whole lives trying to find their soulmate. who knew mine was hiding in utah successfully balancing a pageant career and a coke habit.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Thanks for the pic It's going to be lovely dealing with my boner while I'm in a meeting with your father.
Today is going to be a great day. He just brought me a donut on his dick... It's Sticky Dick Donut Day!!!
There are horrible decisions in life and then there are tequila flavored moonshine decisions
Haha I had a heart to heart with a stripper so I would say it was a success?
He passed out before we could have sex. I had no choice but to use his boner to hold my onion rings.
I am drunk and aggressive about the olympixs
It's spelled Olympics
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