All I want to do is go home, strip down to my pants, get in the shower and pee down my leg
So explain to me again how you wake up next to a Brazilian model and I wake up next to a turkey sub? And a jar of grey poupon.
hahaha he is wasted in math class right now and is drawing all the planets in order from the sun
whats the proper etiquette for returning a closet door to a random girl you met and do not know her name?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
so i never found you. but i found vodka. so its kinda the same
It ended with me crying and eating pizza in my closet.
had a guy just try to take his underwear off in the middle of the bar w o taking his pants off. That kind of Sunday afternoon
anyone who says having children is the best experience of their life obviously has never seen a vending machine carry vodka in Capri sun pouches.
Idk tell her to wear something sluttty. I have that one skirt I got arrested in if she wants to borrow?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'll even give you a complementary welcome blowjob.
S.O.S. he's talking about horses and breast feeding.
This late night dumpster diving sesh is making my quads cramp up
You're the reason I lose Never Have I Ever
I know I've never told you this before.. but Gyro sauce makes everything okay.
Named all the presidents in order between puke sessions while semi conscious so that's a thing I can do now
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