on of the only things i remember was the security guard told me i was too drunk for laser tag.
Good to know: if a hot girls asks to go back to my place, she probably just needs to vomit all over my bathroom
She gave 2 thumbs up when Nirvana came on the radio while blowing me in the bathroom
I don't want to talk. I just want to motorboat those tits
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just got a msg from someone saved in my phone as "gouiys stAndingg nezxt me not oz". Omh my life.
Yes, but if I hadn't gotten here early, I never would have seen the butch lesbian midget waddling down stairs from the bar. Worth every minute of drinking alone.
Your dad just texted me? He said I needed to holler at him when I get up tomorrow. I honestly thought you had somehow gone to jail.
I swear to god there was like a 2-second timespan in which he went from laughing to coughing, hiccuping, and subsequently projectile vomiting into the grass. There is literally a line in the grass, about 2 yards long, of his puke. It was more impressive than disgusting to be honest. And then he just shrugged and said "I have no idea where that came from."
I'm pretty sure I said "this might be the last time I'm in here" but then I took his pants off so that's a mixed message
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Omg how many tall cans is too many tall cans for 1 pm
Hopefully this dress says "let me rent your house" and not "let me suck your dick for money"
i feel like when you brought up the possibility of you getting pregnant the sexting is over
Why are we so great
Like I'm def going to a therapist but I wouldn't change a thing about us except maybe the peeing
Dude I asked him to get me beef jerky at 4 am and he actually walked to CVS to get it. CVS closes at 12 but it was the perfect opp to dip out
You couldn’t remember the word hand jibber. Instead, your drunk ass offered the bartenders “unlimited hand fritters” if they wouldn’t cut you off.
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