my number is 615-555-1212, <3 your favorite asshole
went in for an STD check and they referred me to an alcohol and drug councilor. kick me when i'm down.
This is your typical "sorry i got drunk and tried to seduce you into having sex while you were throwing up" text.
What would Jesus do? ... Jesus would slap a ho.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
how does Santa get into Hogwarts?
Something about a hand job in a car doesn't scream girlfriend
I woke up with like grass burns all over my body, i'm pretty sure i made out with someone under a bus. . . but i'm not sure
I walked in and saw him spread eagle on the couch beatin it, while he just pet the dog that sat there and stared. mom was pissed
i think he spiked my sandwich with a viagra
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
All I remember is a very aggressive two-stepper who inadvertently made me give myself a black eye with my own beer
whats our policy on dating high schoolers?
we dont have a policy but im pretty sure the state of michigan does
i think the sex is so good because i get a contact high just from fucking him
Just to clarify, I'm still tripping balls
On an unrelated note, I've come up with a theory of everything
What should've been a 10 minute beer run turned into her having a 40 minute mental breakdown in my car while in the parking lot. She then asked if she could live at my house and be my girlfriend. Her finishing act was stealing my peanut m&m's.
Well, when a girl introduces herself as "stormy" and gets your number from her boyfriends phone, I'd say that your situation is to be expected.
I woke up in the middle of the night on all fours turning circles in my bed! No more patron for me!
Randomize