Say my name once during sex just to fuck with her. Like when it gets rough.
Just remembered getting lost in a "shortcut" through yards and GPSing my way home last night
Today has been the most awkward masturbatory day of my life. Possibly even more awkward than when my mom found my vibrator on Mother's Day.
I did, I'm just saying. Once the drinking starts my nipples are no longer my control.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You're the only person I know who could blow literal chunks, laugh about it, then proceed to shotgun another beer. Love you champ.
It's cool, I power napped on the dryer while they were fucking in the bathroom so I'm good to go now. Where are you?
I couldn't find pants for like 20 minutes so I was butt ass naked just sitting on your floor
thank you for being a reason not to completely check out of my life and start sleeping all day, crying all night, and living off vodka acquired through credit card debt
Ok, in complete transparency, I am eating a cookie on my bed naked while reading a Halo novel.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You got me 4 pizzas and i just saw this. I'm too drunk for this shit. I just yelled "4 pizzas holy shit!" At the pizza dude
Yeah we invited her back for chicken nugget sandwiches
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
Why does 10AM Spanish always turn into a discussion about my sex life?
Quit giving me a hard time, whens the last time you got head every night? Cougars are where its at they dont play games
Just because you can't have him, doesn't mean you can have his brother.
What about the best friend?
Randomize