They left shortly after you claimed the dirty rug as your mattress and began alternating between singing "Dayman" and "Nightman"
i gave her road head last night, needless to say it wasn't the same and i bit a chunk of the inside of my cheek off.
Some girl in the stall next to me just yelled "fuck yes i started my period!" she came out of the stall and we high fived. who am i to judge? i do that every month.
so exactly what does one wear to an abortion clinic?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Spent 200 bucks on a stripper for a good night hug. I give up.
My gyno overestimated by 3 TIMES the amount of sex we have per week. First of all, he must think I'm a freak. Secondly, I think we should catch up.
My high school reunion is Thursday so I need to find an outfit that says "Haha, you got fat and I got tits. Suck it, bitches."
I offered to lick your vagina while wearing a suit... Pretty sure chivalry is well alive.
Woke up in the ER with a nurse holding my tongue together inside of my mouth and a shattered jaw, the last thing I remember is opening the 151, care to fill me in?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I woke up with my vibrator in my bed so I'm assuming I had a decent night.
You were hitting on girls while wearing the banana suit. When they rejected you you yelled "I gotta split anyway."
I feel like there should be a 'roommate information section' of the paperwork when there's a chance you'll be given pain killers.
Married dude I had an affair with 10yrs ago was at table next to us at dinner last nite. My mom asked him to take a pic of us & then commented how cute he was as they left. Do I tell her he’s got a huge D too?
found a note from drunk me saying "don't worry i fed the mice". WHAT MICE?
The cop was standing next to me when I texted "haha" to your phone...didn't realize that he had taken it already...
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