Hahahaha do you think bella ever gave edward head?
The verizon commercial has a magical pinata. Candy just keeps coming out. It must be a portal to a candy universe.
A stripper just got mad at me for saying goddammit. She's in no position to lecture me on morality
there is just no excuse for touching your mothers vagina.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It took him longer to remove his skinny jeans than it did for him to finish. I didn't even have time to realize it sucked until it was already over.
he has been on a 2 week bender, has been homeless for a week and a half, and leaves for madagascar in 2 days. Do we worry or is that normal?
The mass text at 3:12AM offering "free scrotum tastings" will have repercussions
i gave him a hand job with one hand and held the 40 with the other. this is like freshman year all over again.
FYI, your girlfriend is on her way to the ER. She tried to balance a bottle of jack on her chest. Smashed toes, blood all over patio. Call her, kinda funny though.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
They actually said and I quote "it definitely looks like your knees went through some over usage"
I told her the job opening requires being on the phone during the week and on my face on the weekends. I think she wants the job.
Just used the handle end of a spatula to get the baggie of coke wedged between my passenger seat. Innovation points?
I immediately woke up from my nap, made myself a screwdriver and got in the shower. I know it's spring break but I'm still questioning my life choices.
I wish there was a tumbleweed emoji. Because that would describe my vagina.
I just learned that the grill marks on a Burger King burger patty are actually previously burnt on there with a radioactive spray-on liquid and McDonald's french fries are actually 5% potato.
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