i wonder why nobody wants to date me...im doing a crossword at work and asked out loud: whats a 4 letter word for 'a reason to get married?'
i was like PREG?
Put your dick on his face to wake him up, dont worry its fine.
I just febrezed the jizz on my pants and wore them again, gross or eco-friendly?
Eco-friendly.
bouncer thought i was tryin to get the license plate numbers of strippers to stalk them. I had to go show him where I threw up to get back in.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
All I remember is taking a bath, puking in the bath water numerous times while trying to wash myself and I must of eventually given up
i woke up to the sound of my roommate climbing onto my desk mumbling that she was going to bed
Your lower body and my face have had way too much contact lately.
We have started to decorate penises.
but it was less of a make out and more of a goodnight kiss as a "thanks for giving our drunk asses a ride home and sorry we called your bar the worst bar in LA"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Everyone else in class agrees the weed smell is coming from me
We are going to the humane society and getting you microchipped so you don't get lost on your birthday. Either that or your getting a child leash
Your penis is the destroyer of worlds.
I almost accidentally threw him out a window during sex last night.
Do you lock your house? Serious question, I need to know if I can add it to my list of emergency poop stops
how do i say "cradle the balls" in Italian
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