When do i get to see u next week?
When I teabag your entire family
Apparently it costs $70 to clean vomit off the side of our apartment building.
It's like shitshowville, population: those girls.
After your flask fell out of your leg brace and you told your RA that it was juice, you tried to unlock your dorm room but your key was attached to your bra so he ended up seeing your boobs
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You were, but he disappeared after you said you wanted him to get you pregnant so you'd have a child by the time the Boy Meets World sequel starts
as i sobered up i realized that her cute accent was actually a speech impediment
YOU ARE SO GOD DAMN LOUD AND YOU'RE SHAKING THE GOD DAMN HOUSE. FUCKING STOP.
She told me her last name, which as you know is my #1 turn-off.
And that facial hair. He might as well shave it so it spells "douche" on one cheek and "nozzle" on the other.
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That awkward moment when your boyfriend tries to have sex with his go pro on #hdporn
I found her face down on the kitchen floor asking anybody who walked by for Kraft Dinner
She touched my penis and started laughing. She did the same thing when she blew me.
Just broke my no shot rule again.. Made out with a stranger. That's 0 for 3 this month for the record
They took the TVs out of the gym and the mini-Mart only had 2% milk. 2015 wants me to be fat
Nah it's alright, I'll just ride cock all the way to hell
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