I just called a phone sex line and you know what I did? I sat there and cried
Yep, it's a dick on our front door. Intentional?
I heard that if you win you get to have sex with me. You guys really need to stop wagering my vagina.
I just won 10 dollars from out chugging the bar tender and I found out that the baby aint mine in the last hour. I don't even care if l get laid tonight any more.
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She asked the taxi driver to stop at the Texaco because she had to puke. She did then stumbled into the gas station and bought a 40.
Fuck. I'm going to pass the savings right on to the strippers. It's trickle down economics.
When I left you were in the shower in your socks throwing up screaming it was blood but it was "ok" cuz it's recyclable. By the way it was kool aid.
I was thinking about getting her an edible arrangement for an engagement gift. You want in?
I'm buying her a drink and not telling her to dump his ass. that's my gift.
Just realized I probably only have one more wedding where I can say I fucked the bride.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't know why I do this to myself his dick is a constant source of disappointment.
Bumble is fuckin insane here. I'm going to break a hip.
I want to respect them as people, but really I just want to have sex with them.
Jungle juice breakfast? No? Ok.
RESIST THE DICK
thats like telling me to resist drinking water. impossible.
You planned on giving him head in the shower?
More like I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
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