$35 all you can drink last night. Friend 1 woke up in a hotel lounge, friend 2 pissed himself and woke up wearing friend 1's spare pants, and my toilet indicates I threw up extensively.
Totally saw a hot amputee. I think this is called character growth.
i always forget that thursday isnt the weekend in the real world
You need to come get me. I'm pretty sure that gravity's going to crush my brain
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All signs point to mom being high. 1) making chicken at 2 am. 2) dancing to smooth jazz. 3) she asked where the peanut butter was
my roomates packed me a lunch. it had bread, cheesewiz, a can of refried beans and a condom with a note that said "good luck on your first day". im not even gonna pretend to be mad.
he's only going to be home for two days, his dick is going to be in me for the whole 48 hours, he doesnt have a choice.
They just caught the deck on fire and I ran out with cups off the beer pong table filled with water from the toilet. It was the closest water source.
I am day drunk. Get ready to see my dick.
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Nothing bad can happen when you have a kiwi flavored condom. Absolutely nothing.
If we order a pizza and I contribute 9 cents, is that fair?
True idk how my parents didn't know I was blackout. I ate like 4 pieces of cheesecake and showed my cousins my boobs
THE PRUIS IN YOUR DRIVEWAY IS NOT YOURS
excuse me?
I accidentally borrowed your spare keys a while ago...i just tried them...that, my friend, is not your car.
Well, if I’m not getting dick or sleep then I’m not interested.
He just canceled. I got an amazing new dress and now he’s decided he’s spending the weekend with his family
In other news, there’s some rando in an expensive hotel bar who is going to get very lucky tonight because I love the way this dress makes my tits look. Want to help me find him?
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