If I had known I was gonna take my tights off and throw them over the balcony I would have shaved my legs.
he was fingering me, then looked down and said "i like your socks"
I just got over my period in 3 days...I believe that is god's way of saying "go fuck an amazingly attractive Italian boy on vacation"
IM PICKING UP BLOW FOR US STOP WHINING ABOUT SEX
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The worst decision I made last night was allowing myself to be duct taped to the ceiling
I think I'm going to go into my next therapy session with hot client with my fly down and when he tells me about it I'm going to say "how did that happen?!" and then porn music will start to play.
I'm so confused as to where the sexual euphemisms end and the drinking starts
If I had 3 wishes one would for sure be a designated driver for life that gives hand jobs.
Just had my very first high conversation with mom
And you survived it! I'd say that earns you a "Blaze It Like a Real Adult" from the Grown-up Girl Scouts
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I just have to decide what I love more, food or dick.
Ok, maybe playing "whose family is most dysfunctional" wasn't the best drunk idea we've had. Todd''s been crying in the bathroom for an hour. We can't get him out...
NO BABIES. YOUR VAGINA WILL BLEED WITHIN A FORTNIGHT.
Get off the floor, put away the cookie dough, get ur shit together Scott.
Well I hate to admit it but at this point I can successfully say i have been pee'd on by both of my roommates.
Did you ask Harvard boi?
Apparently he likes someone who is into being smart and a supporter of human rights ugh what a skank
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