right before he came he said "im ganna fill your stocking" nothing like holiday spirit!!
RIGHT?!?! I'M ACTUALLY UPSET I DON'T GET TO MAKE THE 2.3 MILE TREK TO SUCK HIS COCK, yes I google earthed it.
I want to wear something that says I'm a lady (but I have condoms!)
just saw someone climb out of the dumpster at cvs and start walking down the street like it was completely normal
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just heard a 350 lb guy with a stutter describe getting blood in his eye as he was shanking his cellmate and, more generally, how to survive as a white guy in jail.\n\nYou should really consider going to some AA meetings
You chest bumped everyone we walked by on the way home... Even girls
I woke up in my living room, on the floor, wearing nothing but a fur coat?
I faked more orgasms with him then ever should be allowed for someone this pretty.
I'm getting a car wash man. I am go get a car wash high.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Were you seriously humming twinkle twinkle little star while cupping my balls?
So you're at your daughter's volleyball game looking at dicks online? That's amazing.
No, I was picking her up from volleyball and sitting in my car looking at dicks.
Sorry my phone died because I decided charging my vibrator was way more important
Saw your dad at the bar last night... And again this morning when he left. Told you not to mess with me bitch.
Oh don't mind my cushion, I got plowed in the ass by a freight train last night
Just did the "lost my phone, need #'s" post and I got a text saying "go ahead and save me as Ashley-DD because I know you will anyway. I think I love her.
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