I can't disclose who, but one time I called someone, they didn't pick up, and immediately texted back 'will call later, masturbating'
I thought that was really considerate
1. Mark my dj buddy and I spent $1000 on bottles last night
2. We were casually offered narcotics while walking down the street
3. I will still be awake when you start school tmw, cause there's no last call
So if any tells you miami is the same as the rest of america, there are just lying to you
They just both started mumbling "i cant go home like this" "it's all over my face" "do you have extra pants?"
That's because you're a slut. A slut fucking a fence.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he's got a countert top full of yard sale blenders so id say maragita wednesdays is a go.
Apparently last night drunk me put my phone in a cup of beer to make it "fun scented".
If I had a penis, I would stick it EVERYWHERE. I don't know what these guys are doing.
What happened to my face?
You kneed yourself in the eye during the Harlem Shake.
It was impressive.
Ugh he's so pretty though. He bit my face at the bar because I tried to steal his ID and I forgave him
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sorry I couldn't reference you in my facebook quote. I will redirect any likes and comments straight to my blowjob efforts this week.
I also woke up on my floor. Naked. On a pile of clothes. With my head in the trash can. And a sheet over me.
lesson learned. Never drop acid before a trip to the aquarium. Sounds awesome, is actually terrifying.
Sitting on my couch watching TV in my underwear drinking a bottle of wine.... and you want to interrupt me to come pick you up. No I will not do it.
Ben Franklin would totally be a furry.
You're smoking weed and checking Tumblr I take it?
God knew I'd have horrible taste in men, so made me asexual to ensure I'd never fuck them.
Randomize