my financial goal is to have my cable back before football season starts
im calling her cock vulture from now on
I have to take his virginity. It's what God put me on earth for. It's my life mission.
I wish you could see how much hot sauce and broken glass are in our apartment right now.
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We're like Siamese twins, but joined at the genitals.
I apparantly wanted to name her baby garbage
The second time he came it projectile shot in my ear
We were in a spooning position and it shot all the way up. He was like sorry. Physics.
When he was fat he reminded me of my high school best friend and I just wanted to hug him and hug him. Also, he's funny and humor is the fastest way into my pants after Doctor Who and liquor.
That's what every 12 year old basketball team needs; a drunk and hungover lady eating KD whilst cheering them on. Highlight of their lives.
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Sometimes i like to think we arent living together next year and that im living with models that like to experiment but you ruin that fantasy time and time again
Hopefully this dress says "let me rent your house" and not "let me suck your dick for money"
with hottub sex, handcuffs, Pocahontas themed lap dances, and eating pumpkin pie off each other, I'm gonna say thanksgiving will be a success ;)
No, you are in the clear. The police officer finally just said "I give up" and walked away.
I just want to trace his tattoos with my tongue
He was passed out, face in the toilet, so I just pissed on his head. Serves him right
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