Tell me why I go to the dollar store for nail polish remover and a ghetto black dude trys to hit on me in the parking lot, then he gets in line behind me with a dousche bag literally and that is his only purchase.
I had to puke in a pizza box on the drive home. People saw.
I think I have internal bruising from those poses we were doing last night. My own ribs hurt me. I don't understand.
No kidding. I just keep looking at that 'under 21 until 11/21/2011' on my id and whispering "soon enough"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
what's the name of the guy at the bank you blew to get the lower interest rate?
um. wrong number, but good luck with your loan
My contribution to the dinner party was a bottle of vodka and a bag of uncooked potatoes. I felt like a Russian serf.
The only thought that went through my head was "that would be an absolute disaster" so of course I said yes
He looked at me like he knew me, and I looked at him like I had seen his penis before.
I just had the stunning realization that I lost my virginity in a bunk bed.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Know what the best part of waking up for work after a drinking vacation is? It's an easy question. Nothing. Nothing is the best part of that.
I woke up today in my boxers hugging a log and realized that I think I've gotten close enough to nature. I really need to stop doing shrooms with you
Like I respect him so much I would suck his dick
In a very non respectful way
I slept awesome next to you. You're like an electric blanket that I can have morning sex with.
Doing a walk of shame at Wal-Mart at 3:30am because when I left at 11pm I was getting milk
Played Gay Bar on the jukebox and pissed off the Republicans here. Best day before birthday ever.
Randomize