Does my surprise involve the use of a safe word?
Probably.
I'm in.
Just found a glow stick inside of my vagina..
With the amount of traffic your vagina gets, it was only a matter of time before someone threw a rave there.
my summer class's final was canceled bc it interfered with the world cup. he is giving us all A's on it. I love europe
We left the window open. My vibrators funeral is at 2ish.....bring a side dish or some shit.
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Because you know it would be fucking amazing to get trashed and shatter the dreams of 12 year old girls. I might get a shirt.
Also got home. Still stoned. Mom was up. We made a pizza and were writing a children's book. Sleep good.
I don't see what kind of idea someone could get from an envelope covered in jesus stickers and a note from a person and their dog. I'd say crazy person alert before flirting.
I promise it'll work. Just go there and keep the lights off and keep saying blaowww. She'll think your me.
Your loyalty to the Redskins reminds me how no matter how much I disappoint you, you will still always be rooting for me.
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My roommate walked in naked grabbed my hand and pulled me into her room to see her randoms dick.
Are you planning on wandering into construction sites drunk and falling down 6' holes?
probably
I tried to avoid catching feelings but then he took me out to breakfast
You were giving me all the reasons why being the big spoon is such a responsibility, and how you wish you were a girl cause the little spoon does nothing
I’m literally watching say yes to the dress, eating fancy cheeses with crackers, and I have orange dark chocolates. All of which is being washed down with merlot. And I’m 100% sure a porno is gonna go down next door tonight. They don’t have a car and arrived via taxi. Happy holidays from motel 6 Pendleton Oregon!
HE’S PUKING UP BLOOD
okay all good I mistook strawberita for blood...
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