he stole me 6 pairs of frilly undies and proclaimed "your ass looks like a 5 in those. it'll be a 10 in these bad boys". every girl needs a gay bff.
just got invited to smoke a bowl by a guy who has a prostetic leg and has been on the jerry springer show multiple times. I love my life right now
I don't want to smoke with her when she's on adderall. She carved her pumpkin for four hours & didn't say a word.
Woke up in my own bed with a "New Years Eve 2011" bar bracelet on. Both of these things confuse me.
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He woke up in a dragon costume, covered in bong water. That was a party we will regret missing.
btw im having a "its finally warm enough for a bbq in Toronto" party tonight. bring all the alcohol you have. and hamburger buns.
I just conveyed my whole sex life to my mom over voicemail. Anddd, I'm hammered.
Top night. Top night.
First day back to class and I have already pulled out the hard liquor
I put in a tampon while driving a moving vehicle. I feel like this is simultaneously a new low and the sort of feat that deserves a merit badge.
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Dude like i feel like i did ALL OF THE DRUGS yesterday
Hold on gotta plunge the sink
Is that a euphemism for sex? Either way, have a good time
Here when you come to your senses come back here and I'll fuck you back out of them.
A condom just fell out of me. Happy Tuesday.
What the fuck was I thinking eating an entire tub of potato salad on acid. My stomach today bro
Nothing quite like spending your evening singing Shania Twain I Feel Like a Woman barbershop quartet Style with some homeless guys outside of Keyport liquor. love Shania Twain. How's your Sunday?
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