Shit chicky whatchu wearin rt now, ur skins?
Oh dear, kinda... in ur sweats!
U look good, r we getting naked in ur car?
He's marrying her, which means that she is his most important person in the world, so you gotta deal with it...okay?
Dude, way to rack up $80 in pornos in the hotel room last night, and not tell me before I got blindsided at check out.
Heh. Guess I ordered some porno last night. Heh.
he was sobbing,drinking his beer, all while confessing his love for her. awkward was an understatement...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I probably should have cut it off when he started putting queso on my nipples, but within ten minutes I was a self-serve burrito bar.
I don't care. I'll be that guy that eats cake in a car. Alone. With the doors locked.
I vagually remember taking your birthcontrol and washing it down with ash water
He asked me "did you used to go to church" while we were having sex.
She was giving me head while we were in my tree house, my mom then came out to let the dog out so she stopped so I would stop groaning, was it good? You tell me
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
well apparently i was just calling everyone cunts. then i awoke from my blackout to 3 very mad roommates who didn't bring a key out with them
I couldn't find pants for like 20 minutes so I was butt ass naked just sitting on your floor
I WANT PIZZA BUT I ALSO WANT SELF ESTEEM
BUT LIKE WHO AM I TO EVER CARE ABOUT SELF ESTEEM
all I've ever wanted was a guy with twelve cats who will tie me up in bed
You were only speaking with either thumbs up, thumbs down, or high fives haha
You were leaning against a fire hydrant asking people if they wanted to buy free pocket peanuts from you.
Randomize