thanks...oh and i got my period
told you
oh hush
Question: why is there a dildo glued to my kitchen table?
Call me in 2 minutes and go along with what I say. You're hysterical and I must go comfort you asap. He just asked if I was ready to experience sex with a wizard and he wasnt kidding.
You look just like Jennifer Aniston on food.
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he's totally gay but hes wondering what hes missing out on. Im going to show him.
no pressure.
I'm not going to need your "it doesn't mean you're a slut" pep talk after all.
just cheers'ed a flock of cattle as i drove past eating a burger i bought 7 hours ago. that high.
No memories of receiving this. Or of getting home. Or of apparently developing a taste for marmalade, which I assume is yours because I have literally never eaten it before. It's all over the kitchen. And my phone. And in my hair. Oh god I wish I wasn't on the train to work. X And sorry about the kitchen x
Drinking Fireball means never having to say you're sorry. Unless its at you're arraignment.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Let's play "Guess What I Just Found In My Vagina?"
Got home. All the lights were on. All the doors were unlocked. My room was covered in beads, there's puke in the sink and of course our toilet is still broke. I'd say it was a decent Mardi Gras
And i have once again masturbated to an amazing soundtrack. what a time to be alive
You tell anyone I'm rocking out to Pitbull in an economy, base-model car, I'll kill you.
Just told my mom life fisted my asshole. She looked at me with complete understanding. I'm scared...
All I remember was my mom walking through the door, and then me asking her if she wanted a hit.
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