Thanks for the three minutes of sex tonight.
nothing says happy birthday like half a tampon wrapped in someone else's hair on your shoulder.
he made me stop in the middle of the blowjob to turn the tv towrds him. i then proceeded when he stopped me again to get him the remote. fuck me.
Ive either hit rock bottom or become my own hero.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
it felt like the flash was giving me a handjob
She talked about nothing but beanie babies for 45 minutes. I'm never getting high with her again.
But i guess when you use blowjob as a verb you are entitled to some language allowances
This essay is so getting done. I am spurred on by thoughts of test-driving your newly shaven face by sitting on it as soon as humanly possible.
Just got a Snapchat of his dick with the caption 'We miss you.'
That's true love, there.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well it's official, last night I hooked up with the third girl from the apartment downstairs.
Dude that's a hat trick!
I know, I tossed my hat on the floor as I was walking out.
On the plus side, I know I'm allergic to latex now. Like really fucking allergic
Mom kept me on a leash as a kid, did you know this?
When she went in the beer store I got to hold it.
I just watched my ex butt chug a quart of eggnog. Why did I dump her again?
Why don’t they have healthy alcohol yet?
got the runs at the club last night. wondering when it'll be safe to show my face again.
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