Woke up this morning to a janitor hitting me in the head with his bucket in the hallway of my building. An alumni was next to me because we locked ourselves out of my room and couldn't figure out where my roommates were.
Dude you called me last night to let me listen to you piss in a cup and drink it. Just making sure you survived
Google Chrome's "top 8 most visited sites" page has become my motivation to stop masturbating
I need to figure out what I wanna do with my life.
There are margaritas in the freezer still.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You ordered a "mcblizzard" and yelled @ the worker for false advertisement because she didn't flip your "mcblizzard" upsidedown. You wanted it free. I'd say mcdonalds daytime workers need to be trained in dealing with daytime drunks too. She didn't know what to do.
Also you were throwing your phone yelling this is durable as shit
She's pissed. She declared she was moving out and proceeded to pack 3 pairs of shoes, her electric wine opener and ONE sock. Then told us to have fun paying her portion of the rent.
don't worry about it. We passed around the "get jeff bail" can 10 min. After you left. We currently have around $400. May I say that people here at the dorms really love you.
So getting drunk in honor of the bomb threat is legit right?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Saturday morning. Went into a study room excited b/c some1 had left a paper w/ an inspirational quote: YOU ARE cApable of aChieving anything yoU waNT. Then I read the bold letters.....
I just want to have sex and eat oreos. and then take body shots. like everyday.
You know how hard it is to play cool while not drowning and appreciating a pair of butts at the same time?
Cop came to our door looking for you. Something about sex in public and intoxication. I said you matched the description.
It looks like I jerked off a rainbow.
I 100% barfed while bumping the DMX remix of reading rainbow
Randomize