So I went home with some chick last night... I'm not sue what's worse: not getting a nut at 5am, the condom breaking and not being replaced, feeling poo when I put my finger in her but, sleeping on a heroin mattress in her living room, her swine flu coughing fit at 7am or realizing she peed the matt at 10am. Actually it was probably the fact that she continuously told me she was the classiest girl in boulder.
theyre doing shots to celebrate her boob jobs anniversary.
Just used the D.E.N.N.I.S system successfully.
Boys can't fool me. I know "want to come up and meet my dogs?" is just a nondirect way of saying "come up and meet my penis".
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Here's the thing. I'm really high and have lots of questions about lightning.
One reason I don't come to Portland. I saw 8 guys I have had sex with last night. At the same party.
By 8 I mean 9.
And by 9 I mean 10.
Theres a live mouse in the toilet. Goddamn you this is why I don't party here
Speaking of roommates, Kelsey and I woke up to urine in our trash can. Neither one of us is willing to admit to it so we've come to the conclusion that someone snuck into our room in the middle of the night
Stand up sex. Extremely, extremely difficult. I now know how pointe dancers feel.
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"Grocery shopping" is really just a euphemism for spending $20 on enough frozen food to last 2 weeks and spending the rest of your viable paycheck on alcohol.
In case you were wondering how drunk I was last night, there was an unopened slim Jim in front of my door and I ate it.
I've never been so excited to have my ass in so much pain.
So what's your itinerary for Amsterdam?
Show up, get drunk, get laid, try not to miss my flight home.
Santa tracker drinking game, you in or what?
all I remember the next morning was crawling through the doggy door and finding my underwear in my purse
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