the best things in life are free. have that freshly fucked look and doing the walk of shame by HIS girlfriend.....priceless
Honestly dude, i think you should ignore the restraining order if you really love her.
So basically our separate showers turned into one shower, to save water, which turned into a bath, which turned into sex on the bed, which turned into drinking beer in the bed, and thats what the stain is from... bud light. sorry.
apparently i told her i wouldn't press charges if she brought me food.
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She's walking around topless with a bottle of red wine, crying and singing showtune ballads. This is actually an improvement.
besides i was ending his dry spell. it's written in the bible that jesus likes that right?
Nobody in the ambulance liked me...
next photo in the 'cherished memories' series- Jess's bed. Note the vomit actually UNDER the pillows. shes a genius.
I went in to wake you up this morning and you had a condom draped across your throat like a necklace. There were no boys in the house last night, what were you doing?
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Ill go to bed but tamed sharks isnt so much of a bad idea. Not for riding
new district manager is here. you need to come in early
5th mimosa says otherwise
i think my cat just said my name.
Potholders are an underrated garment. Especially naked.
During my first week as an adjunct prof, I played a fiercely fought game of squash with a law student and we wound up having hot, sweaty, angry sex right on the floor of the court. She is either the best or worst thing to happen to my academic career. Will let you know.
OH MY GOD I AM DYING. AS I WAS TEXTING I JUST BUMPED INTO A MOTHER FUCKING DEER. I AM SHAKING
Wait...Literally? You hit a deer...with your body?!
I PHYSICALLY RAN INTO IT. I FELT ITS WEIRD HAIR AND I EVEN APOLOGIZED CAUSE IT DINDT REGISTER THAT IT WASNT A PERSON. MORTIFIED.
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