ok think of it like jelly beans. if you can learn to like the licorice ones, youll always have lots of them because no one else wants them. its the same with fat chicks
"Guy Time" translaed into 10 shots apiece and me waking up covered in my own blood.
we need to drink more beer. the fridge wont close.
There are pictures of you on the shoulders of some old guy dressed as borat
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I would take a bullet for Beyonce's baby
I'm not drinking cause I'm like 4 vodkas away from a boom box and Peter Gabriel.
I ordered a million chicken go wraps and they gave me five. Even when im drunk I can count to a million and know its not five. They fucked me.
Yeah. It's just like I have his virginity and he has my shoes and where do we go from here.
Well I woke up naked, with a santa hat on, and a bag of beef jerky next to me. So yeah, I would say it was a pretty successful trolley
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I traded my pants for a Santa hat last night and it was so worth it.
You guys I wore sweatpants to work today because I simply forgot to put on real pants and I had a weed brownie and a juice box for breakfast. I am not ready for parenting.
I punched the bar tender after he cut me off. Hopped over the bar and made my own drink. That's how I got tazed
Got so drunk last night I kinda sent a super on point sext to his kid sister...say a prayer man
Thanks for DJing my sex last night. You were on point 💜
Pretty penis doesn't make up for awkward eye contact.
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