i was sitting in the back seat of her car with her boyfriend while she was driving. it was pretty awkward, but i dont think "so my dick's been in your girl's mouth too" was a good ice breaker
Playing drinking games to Nancy Grace totally counts as "keeping up with current events.."
we found you under the sink... we opened up the doors and you told us to go away because you were playing indian in the cupboard
i should teach a seminar on how to fall off the wagon
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Yea, she's 42 I'm 23. Girls our age are terrible. All they need is a divorce and a bottle of wine
It's 1pm, she's in the shower, I don't have the guts tell her I wasn't her blind date. Someone got stood up.
This girl I interned with got engaged today and I'm just like over here taking plan B with my tacos and PBR.
Man I can't wait till Thursday if strippers and beer are what you consider "research"
I mentioned the porn thing he mentioned a brother it all kinda just came together
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's 4am & this guy is asleep with his junk still inside me..really rethinking my life
drunk me always erases text conversations because she is a woman of mystery and does not like for me to know what's going on in her life
They have one of those claw machines here... with a dildo in it...
My boss spotted an injured PIGEON outside the front door this morning (at 3:30am) and requested that I catch it and take it to the vet. Catch it with what! Take it where!These requests have gone too far...
Give me one good reason why I should go with you.
Free beer.
..pick me up at 8.
Yea and there’s destruction when we’re together, mostly of our livers but W/e
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