Microwaved placenta is very unpleasant.
Fiestas. Its like a classier verson of mardi gras.
you took a scissor and started screaming "I WANNA KNOW WHAT ITS LIKE TO BE BALD"
You sprayed lemon pledge on your crotch because it was "dusty"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
somehow, even strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA can't understand why he'd choose her over me
maybe it's because you talk to strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA
Direct quote from her that tipped me off I was getting some: "I want to jump on his shoulders and wrap my legs around his face"
Ive only just recently decided that NOT fucking you would be best for both of us.
She said to me, without hesitation, "make me an offer better than my sugar daddy and I'll go with you"
You can't give me tequila around boys who have girlfriends. That ain't new.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He woke me up because I was snoring and went for a second round. First time I'm happy that I snore
I think his dick was bigger than his dog
On my way to return shoes I bought so that I can afford to buy a pregnancy test. Is this adulthood?
I vomited out my contact lenses last night
Yeah I knew you'd like him. He's emotionally and physically self destructive.
We would have so much to talk about!
He told his wife he was too old to pretend to be straight. She tried to argue. He walked two tables over and was like this is my highschool sweetheart and he's an excellent fuck, we're running away together. It was epic.
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