I think I deserve the nobel peace prize for discovering that one should smoke before drinking instead of drinking before smoking.
just watched paranormal activity stoned. laughed the whole time and screamed when they turned on the lights. eating doritos. I love my life
I just busted my ass on the ice in front of my entire AA meeting. As if being there wasn't embarrassing enough.
Just tell him to eat fruit before so it tastes good. Then it's just like shotgunning a smoothie
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She rode an inflatable shark down the stairs. Viva shark week.
You had the nerve to crowd surf to your own bedroom.. I guess watching Aladdin high was probably the best idea ever
Why is my hat full of peanuts?
Don't throw them out, I'm on my way
I was so close to going to get my nipples pierced with my mom today
I LACK THE NECESSARY BRAIN FUNCTIONS TO BE ABLE TO PROPERLY RESPOND TO THAT
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i do my most serious thinking while screwing her. ive pondered everything from quantum physics to the life cycle of a badger. if i keep this up ill have a phd in no time.
Nxt time we drink that much, we'll have to hide the crayons. Crayola-ing a mural on the living room wall wasnt the brightest idea, but it sure is classy. Right?
why does every cop we meet know your name?
So, is Canada considered an excessive distance to go for a booty call? Asking for a friend...
My boss just offered me a vodka mixed drink at work I do not have a real job
Granted, I did not plan to spend ANY hour of the last day of 2020 sober.
Randomize