Lets drop out of school and be professionally skinny and drunk
90% of the problems in your life are directly related to your vagina
Swine flu is the new snow day.
it's a little hard to watch the basketball games with my family considering they keep cheering for the guy that i had a one night stand with...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i had to write a bad check to buy franzia last weekend. i have my priorities in line.
You told him you loved him!?
I mean if he translated "Zi luve ku" as that then yes.
I just fell down my stairs. I know that you are 6 hours away but please come pick me up. I promise I will still be here on the stairs.
I don't really know how to say this, but I have an oven mitt to return to you tomorrow..
I asked if he wanted to come over and he said he was busy. Then I sent him a pic of me in the bath with the bottle of wine I already finished and all of a sudden he was free. Booty calls are too easy.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't think ill be here long the chick I came to see is blowing rails with a drag queen
I just got fingered in the Win-Co parking lot for pills. How's your meltdown going?
Slept with the roommate last night and also discovered that she believes in eugenics. I may need to slow down my drinking
It's not Christmas until you get a photo from an ex wearing a Santa hat and red boxers... And then you just respond with, "nope."
yknow last night was like... the third night in a row alex woke me up to make sure i wasn't dead and tbh it's sorta sweet.
Just had an emotional break through with the dog. That high.
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