New low. Found an ant nibbling on my last xanax. Flicked it away and popped it in my mouth anyways.
I got a black eye last night. This guy said for every 35 pounds you lose you gain an inch to your dick. I asked him how long he has been peeing sitting down.
Yeah, we spent most of the evening making fun of the drunk girl until we realized it was you.
i was thoroughly upset that he did not want to be my number 16, who passes that number up?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm sorry I put you in the washing machine. I honestly thought you would fit.
I'm dressed like a deranged cupcake. Let's get fucked up.
I need more social interactions that don't involve sex
she asked me to come back to her house where "hopefully her kids were asleep". that my friend is what i call a dealbreaker
Guess who isn't pregnant with a random sex ocean baby?!?!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just wanna get drunk and go sledding in my kayak
Please don't buy a buttplug. It won't fill the empty space in your heart.
He sent me a dick pic from work, but I could see all the pizzas in the background. Now I'm just hungry.
Just woke up from an extremely erotic dream featuring Steve Buscemi. Now I can't sleep.
Please tell me im imagining that i claimed that i was king of the ducks.
We didn't get home until 4 am. Her mom let us in, confessed that she had sex with someone she worked with and said he had a small penis. I love this family.
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