Dude, I just rear-ended a cab
Are you drunk?
A little...yes
Run!
Terrible brother advice.
i may or may not be watching the land before time
Both he AND his 17 year old son were hitting on me... I'm bridging generational gaps
If we were to wake in ur bed together, what are the 3 words you would say to me?
Get out now.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I fell asleep with all the lights and heat on in the apartment with windows open, Earth Hour is lost on people like me.
Mango bong: no go. Guava bong: sweet flaming buddha it was delicious. I shall teach you the ways of tropical fruit trees.
after I lost so many games of beer pong they made me be a troll, I sat under the table and told riddles while retrieving balls.
The sex was so bad. I kept sending people snapchats of my face during it.
URGENT INPUT I'm at a renesance fair after party and I'm 100% lined up to fuck their sword swallower OR their contortionist. Dont say both - which direction doth I roll?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
if i had known the extra weight would have gone to my tits, i would have started drinking years ago
That moment when your whole family facetimed you just moments before you threw up all over the entire living room
I can get there in 20, one question, Drress Code? Stripper Lite (make up may require an additional 5-10 minutes), Suggestive Professor (professor Kamil's cleavage ain't got nothing on me), Daywear, Dyke (and trust me you ain't seen dyke), or Exactly What I'm Wearing Right Now. (all of the above may arrive under a coat and are subject to my level of sobriety. Which is currently like nonexistent).--xoxo you know you love me, Gossip Girl.
I just wrote my resume on the same park bench I got felt up at in freshman year of highschool... I've truly come full circle
how do you feel about japanese?
I would eat half a street meat hotdog I found on the sidewalk, I'm good with anything.
He had a temporary tattoo of Justin Bieber on his dick and I still had sex with him
Randomize