when i'm not drinking i'm making facebook events about drinking
I just made princess spaghettios..and I wonder why she broke up with me for not being mature enough.
Something smells like weed and I think it might be my mascara. Come sniff my eyes
They were greeting people getting off the 48 with green beers and cheers. The one day I decide not to take the bus home...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He called his prostate his "boner button".
The whiskey is fighting the tequila on who wants to be the one who end my night first.
I made the jerking off hand motion to my mother by accident this morning. It was awkward for everyone involved.
You don't understand. This could be the last time I shave a star into my vag. Get over here.
I need to make a new year's resolution to only pee in toilets. And it needs to start happening before the new year.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You raged at the rock climbing place for not selling beer and then just said "fuck it" and pulled out a flask.
You said you brought chipotle into a movie and I asked you to marry me and you said yes
Got promoted and on my way out the door was informed that my beard makes my face perfect for riding. Today is gonna be a good day.
You're going to literally shit your fucking unholy pants when Jesus rides in with his dual light-sabers on his velociraptor and cleaves you in half.
you never know when your going to find a surprise from me in your bed...it keeps you on your toes.
I did not shave my legs to sit at home and diddle myself. He better wake the fuck up and put the fear of god in me!
Randomize