I'm at work and it's 1:30. I need a beer. is that bad?
Welcome to every minute of my life.
I wish i could sleep and get drunk at the same time...those are my 2 biggest needs right now
Don't pass out before midnight like you did last year. See how much your year sucked
He told me that he wishes our relationship was more like prison: less touching, more butt sex.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
yeah, he just sent me a picture of himself with his shirt off.... It didnt turn me on, it just made me want to buy him a big mac....
Had a speaker in class today. She asked whats the first question when you see someone pregnant. I said whos the father? She was looking for "is it a boy or a girl?"
I was just compiling a top 5 blowjobs list and that's in there for sure.
He only dropped the Russian accent after we started having sex.
She gave me a handjob at the dinner table while her dad was carving the turkey. I made eye contact with him. Im pretty sure he knew.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
yep you were here saturday. if you woke up smelling like vanilla i can explain.
Just got a message on OkCupid from a 20-year-old who has "Momma's Boy" tattoed across his chest and thinks the earth is bigger than the sun.
lesson #1 of freshman year: grinding with a sombrero is difficult
you told the police officer you wanted to be just like her one day but not a lesbian
I'm smoking in a kimono on the couch. Bring me gin.
meow
use your words like a big girl
i ran over your cat.
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