I just googled dawgpound, shoulda seen that pornsite coming
the people of mcdonalds are all starring at me & this dude like they know we just slept together
You looked cold, so i decided to make you a blanket out of sticky notes.
Sweetie, don't go home with him. You can do so much better. Everyone else at the bar agrees.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Second wind. Either that or my heart is about to explode. I'm hoping the first one.
I am self-sufficient. I puked in a wine glass and emptied it in the trash. Points for style and neatness
So the first 4 hours of my morning was equivalent to seeing under water. Things were starting to get better until I remember I drank mustard for free stuff and flossed my teeth with a strand of hair from a stranger in the bathroom.
But he's not just anonymous male genitalia anymore. I've met him, I've seen his face.
If my sophomore year were to be made into a novel, it would be titled "dances with salvia"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I taught her to play Monopoly. She sold me her bra to keep from going bankrupt.
You sent 2 glasses of water to the table next us and told to the waitress they were on you. I repeat: water
In case you're wondering what frozen hashbrowns taste like at 4 in the afternoon, shame. They taste like shame.
There is a dude riding on one of those standing wheel things inside forever 21. Calm down.
I just had to explain to my grandma what a reach-around is. Too far..
Fuck it, I work hard. I deserve nice sex toys
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