dude, wtf is with her now? she has stuff up about how i am kicking her while she's down
wtf? who are you bitching about me to now?
Um....I woke up to a lipgloss covered bottle of Jack daniels in my arms..
You've kissed worse.
Scared. last time someone tried to talk me into they said it tastes like tapioca and i projectiled onto a closed window
Dude, she literally stopped, mid fuck said "I want soup" got off my dick and make top ramen.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The bartender just started bringing me gin and tonic in a pint glass to save himself trips...
On a lighter note, the guy I gave a lap dance to then fell asleep on his crotch just facebook friend requested me..
He always takes home straight guys. He plays One Night Stand on Ledgendary Mode
New found love of volunteering, when there's free wine available at all times. Good times. And I get to to feel good about helping people.
Found a popcorn kernel in my pubes... Time fir a Brazilian
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i can't believe i'm giving you sex advice.
i've gotten sex advice under stranger situations. like while giving a blowjob behind the communications building.
I just gave myself a sponge bath with your sock. I hope you don't mind.
He asked if I was going to squirt out my bday candles. I'm glad the perversion doesn't stop for special occasions.
You never know true fear until you're on your period in a house full of white furniture.
I love that they love me even though I might not exsist, its kinda like Im God.
Is that your Nuva ring on the floor? Shit must have gotten crazy
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