you didnt remember my name all night. you kept referring to me as "the blonde with the fat ass"
we went to sleep in different beds and woke up spooning. alcohol truly is the anti-cockblocker.
since we're both too lazy to go to each others house, you drink there, i'll drink here and we'll skype. it's the same thing.
All he was doing was sitting in the car, staring. We asked him what was wrong and he just turned, smiled, and said "everything has its own pair of boots"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude, I couldn't come. She sounded like a goddamn dying walrus.
I'm sick of being broke. I had vicodin and frosting for lunch.
well on a positive note i hear those vitamins you take while pregnant do wonders for your nails
I'm applying temporary tattoos with green beer, this is the life.
I just puked my brains out on the side of the road (see picture) And I took a picture for our scrapbook! I am always thinking! =) tell me your proud?!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
BTW waking up to a picture of you taking a shot of what I can only assume was shitty lukewarm liquor out of a blow up dolls butt made my day
Hook ups at LEGOLAND don't count right?
Are we playing inappropriate sexual encounters bingo?
My dad told me to bring weed to easter Sunday dinner..
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
She threw her burger out the car window last night. My vegan neighbors were not pleased but I’m pretty sure I saw a for sale sign go up on their lawn so I owe her one.
Omg I just smoked and it was the end so I basically got resin and death, my throat feels like the twilight vampire description of their thirst for blood
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