We're hooking up, I have a toothbrush at her place, and yet on leaving her apartment a minute ago we said goodbye with a hi five. WTF?
You're upset about this?
Ill pay your DUI fine if you just come see me nooooowwwww
no. its 2:30am and im not going to jail for a booty call
I just watched my mom open a wine bottle with an electric drill. I have never been so proud.
the girls im babysitting are trying to see how much jello they can swallow without chewing...their future boyfriends are lucky
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Nothing like throwing up 1/2 price appatizers and 2 4 1 personal pitcher in uniform to remind myself what a succesful failure I am
I feel like I was just dunked in a tub of beer and then thrown in a giant dryer with rocks in it.
I've slowly been stuffing french fries down his pants. I'm at 31 and he hasn't even noticed.
level of my singleness - just ate a whole pizza topless in bed.
We are stranded. Come find us. Bring an egg
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
can't decide if i look like a hooker or a missing member of Poison today
Major win last night. I traded my roommate two cigs for a six pack and a bag of beef jerky. This has been a Brian weekend update
Cocaine is ok on a cleanse, right?
I think my dick has healed enough that we can start having sex again
you tried to strip tease your way into canada but got arrested instead. don't worry, your mom doesn't know.
Today I saw someone riding a horse on the sidewalk by aldi when I went to walmart. Old town road was playing on the radio. It was perfect.
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