i havent had this much fun since the last time i farted and it created a boner.
Sitting next to a girl in the computer cluster who just googled syphilis symtoms, started crying & got up and left. My life suddenly seems better.
who said I'd never amount to anything...i just won 'most enthusiastic' at my poledancing class
It went alright, nothing too special, just got threatened with a knife by our server.
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ALERT: Turns out when I'm drunk I turn into a clepto. I just found keys, a ketchup bottle, and sweatshirt in my backpack that don't belong to me. If yours, come collect from me. I'm still drunk in the back of biology lecture.
Only catch is you have to sleep in the same bed as me. But no worries, I plan on being in a random guys hotel room every night. So it's essentially yours.
I sent him an 18 page sext. He's going to have a good morning.
Woke up with your brother in my bed...where do you want me to return him?
Im invoking the "no judgements" clause of our friendship.
My god, what have you done?
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The secret to finals week is to have an orgasm for every point you need on the test before you take it.
my life is turning into trapped in the closet at way too fast a speed for me to feel comfortable.
I pretended to be blind and he pretended to be my assistant and long story short, we had to buy that bra and panty set, and now we're both banned from Victoria's Secret AND I have a cum stained demi cup.
You are talking to me during sexting hours. Be careful, innuendos are taken seriously
I think i got beer on your cat.
He gave me an ambien and I woke up with a raw chicken bone in my purse. I have no idea why but I hope I put it in his butt
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