I think my plan to not drink this week was just ruined by my mothers discovery of the chat function on facebook
i was more sad about losing him as neighbor on fishville than as a boyfriend
I just found a beer pong ball in my mail box. I think its a sign
we may have ended up at a gay bar on accident. we're gonna work this to get free drinks.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I am getting my wife a tattoo just above her butthole that says, "For entry just add tequila."
You know why I moved here? No public intoxication law. A cop just helped me from my bent over vomit pose, asked if I was ok, and gave me a ride home.
And "sexual slave/chef" was as it turns out not a real career choice...
She didn't even ask about the dinosaur pinata in my trunk. Like at this point I think these are the things she expects from me
As for the 14 hours of vodka. I am all that is man.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So the crazy cock blocking bitch sent her a picture of her boobs using MY phone and said: he's busy at the moment
Fair enough. Everyone has some guilty pleasures. Yours is yourself
I feel like the devil is trying to impregnate me through my eyeballs.
I SWEAR TO ALL THAT IS HOLY I HAVE NEVER WIPED MY GENITALIA ON ANY TYPE OF EMERGENCY RESPONSE VEHICLE!!
Leaves on the ground. Coffee in one hand and your man in my other. Lovely fall morning.
Yep, you're going to hell.
I take on this great possibility with a beer in one hand and the girl I'm gonna fuck later in the other
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