Okay you totally passed out. Ask me about the bike parking garage and the expired baby formula in the morning.
I just woke up. In the port-o-potty next to our tailgate. an hour after the game started. explain.
Their flight hasn't even left yet and the 'buy food to keep yourself alive' budget is gone on tequila.
You threw a bottle at the bartender and then stole his tip jar. However, you were quickly KO'd by the bartender. Solid right hook.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
apparently breaking a beer bottle and then throwing up in a urinal is a terrible way to pick up girls.
I'm at Home Depot to get supplies to fix the wall we cracked by fucking too hard against the bookshelf.
I wasn't hungover this morning. My head just hurt because someone tried to suction cup a dildo to my forehead.
Does having a sippy cup full of wine, at an outlet mall, qualify you as 'having a problem'?
i think they forgot i was still in the room... she grabbed his balls and said "i feel a fire coming on".
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
and I keep making him eat me out and buying me presents, this is paradise. I wish he cheated on me earlier.
She called me her guardian angel after I picked her phone up from the river of pee coming from her front porch.
Do me a favor? If you get with him, please lick his abs. Someone has too they're just too beautiful not to.
Guys, Black Friday does not exist in the world of dealing. Stop texting me asking what my deals are.
I had to google some of the kinky sex shit she was telling me she was into.
If that is not a reason to propose to her then I don't know what is
I left you a really long drunk voicemail and I remember something about a bat
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